A Struggle for Significance

Everyone wants to feel that what they do is important. This is something I've dealt with before but it's really been weighing heavily on me the last 2-3 weeks. I'm a software consultant. I feel like I'm good at what I do. I have a good job with a good company. I'm paid well. I generally enjoy what I do. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things, though? Take the project I'm working on right now as an example. I'm helping a very large Fortune 500 company write an order entry system. Ultimately over 10k people will use this system. I'm the technical architect and the development lead for this project. I'm not exactly pushing paper in some windowless office or digging ditches only to refill it again. So why do I struggle with significance?

I think there are some meaningful things that I do. I think trying to be a good example to my kids is a good one. That's something that hopefully is lasting and of major impact. The relationships that I have with people is something of importance as well. How much time to I spend doing those things compared to the time that I spend working, though? It seems to pale in comparison to the time that I actually spend doing my job.

The best reason for these feelings that I can come up with is that I believe there are more important things in life. I think there's more that can be accomplished than building an order entry system for a bunch of people to use and save a big company a lot of time and money. There's more to life. What does that mean for my life, though? Am I supposed to be doing something else? Am I in the wrong line of work?

I think right now I'm where I'm supposed to be. I do think I'll eventually do something else, though. I have a deep appreciation for our nation. I think ultimately I'd like to take the time to either go to law school and become involved in Constitutional law or become politically active. I'm politically active to the extent I'm aware of what's going on by and large and I vote but I'm talking about becoming even more involved and potentially running for office one day. I think God has a long way to go to prepare me for that if that's where I'll ultimately be led, though.

Politics is a mess these days. Especially in Washington. The whole environment is just so full of contempt and corruption. I'm not so cynical to believe that all of these people were full of contempt and corruption when they arrived. I think the environment is just that tough. I'd like to say it's something I'd never give in to but I don't believe that. A philosopher once said you can never say with certainty what you would do in a situation unless you're in the situation. The idea behind that is that there are so many forces at work that we don't see and understand. There are so many temptations on these people that we on the outside can't fathom. I'm not so naive as to think I'd be immune to those temptations. I think God wants to make sure that if that's an environment that I'll be placed in that those aren't temptations that I would ever fall prey to. If I did then I'd be no better fit to serve and lead than the people who are in place there now.

Today in church our pastor's sermon was entitled "Living with Purpose: The Path to Significance." Does that mean anything? Only that it's something that God continues to deal with me about. I had a dream a week or so ago that I was the Governor of Georgia. Does that mean anything? I don't know.

I do believe that being in a position where I could speak to people would make me feel like I'm accomplishing a greater purpose. I'd love to be able to convey to people a message of freedom and hope. I'd love to be able work to make that a reality for so many people who today feel that politicians are so far removed from the people and their problems. I think I'd be as good a person as anyone to do that. I understand what I believe, why I believe it, and most importantly, I genuinely care and want to make a difference. I pray that as God gives me opportunities to make a difference I would be able to take advantage of them and serve Him well however big or small those opportunities may be.